Monobloguality

Time to write another blog... Oh God I hate this. Alright, I can do this, deep breaths... Right, c'mere, it's blogging time! I'm gonna blog you so hard, yeah! You're gonna know you've been blogged, I'm gonna blow my blog all over your breakfast, rarrgh!

...This isn't working for you either is it? It was the breakfast thing, right? Sorry, I kinda thought we could just blog and then I'd sneak off and never call you, y'know. Nothing personal, I just needed a good blogging and you looked, well... easy. Tell you what, let's blog anyway, then we'll do breakfast and I'll promise to call you, and you can pretend to believe me even though we both know I'm lying and we're both just being nice about it.

If it's any consolation, I do feel a bit mean, blogging you over like this. The guilt is probably why I'm even trying to explain. The guilt and the drink. I can't blog sober, see, it's just too horrible. All the past blogging comes back in flashes, that awful trauma of pay-per-click left me scarred, it's not my fault the drinking developed into a blogging problem! I really hate blogging, I just do it because it's the thing, y'know? Everyone else does it these days. I mean, we might as well blog, because if we don't I'll just have to tell everyone we did anyway. C'mon, let me blog you, baby, we both know you'll love it.

What, you want commitment? Like I have to write you a whole novel before you'll jump in my blog? That makes no sense; you should sample the quick blog first, then come back for a long slow novel if I'm your thing, babe. Babe? Honey?

Aw c'mon, you're making my blog ache here! Can't I even get a hand blog? (Is that too cheap? That's too cheap. That's scraping the bottom of the barrel, that is.) C'mon, just hold my blog for a bit, I won't even wiggle it. No? Oh well. Just me here now? Monobloguality; if it's worth blogging, blog it yourself.